This is my 200th blog posting and I am going to try something a little bit different today. As the aim of this blog has been to find and highlight excellence in the self published Ebook universe I have been following a lot of very splendid authors. Of these one of the most inspiring has been M Sid Kelly who has amongst other titles authored Used Aliens: A Novel which is one of the very few Ebooks that I have read more than once this year. He has recently put out a second edition of this very funny and intelligently written Ebook (and also paperback) which has taken on board feedback he has received along the way. You can find him and his excellent and often hilarious blog on Goodreads.
Used Aliens is on special offer over Halloween at just 99 cents, so go grab a copy and read what it is all about.
I took the time to catch up with the characters to discuss life, the universe and what it is like being pushed around by an author like Kelly.
Welcome to Greg, Mike, Jimmy, and Dee – some of the stars from M. Sid Kelly’s excellent “Used Aliens”. We had been trying to get hold of Dluhosh-10 but no luck. So firstly, what is the news of your co-star Dluhosh?
MIKE & GREG: GHAAAA! BEAR!
JIMMY: Guys! It’s okay. What are you freaking out about? It’s just us. We’re having one of those character interviews. You have to expect this when you are a character in an indie book by an author that no one has ever heard of. And the big voice you hear isn’t that Big Voice Entity jerk. It’s a very nice blogger.
DEE: Jimmy, old pal, they’ve had their memories wiped. And they haven’t had any calming agent for about a year. Encountering a full-grown Bearman like me would scare the wit out of them.
DEE: Yes, this is a family blog.
GREG: Hey, you’re that fisherman guy from the gas station.
JIMMY: Jimmy Fresneaux… Really, you don’t remember? The aliens, the special ladies, saving Earth… None of it?
GREG: Special ladies?
DEE: Oh, yes, Gregory. Special ladies. Super bad-ass beautiful ones. Many, many of them. And rich too. Ask Jimmy, he knows – don’t ya’ buddy? HAAAHAAAA… Oh, man, I swear! You guys wouldn’t believe it! How many kids do you have now? Seriously, ol’ Jimmy here is the Galactic Pool’s number one humanoid stu-
JIMMY: Dee! That’s enough! Anyway, as of this morning I had one-thousand seven-hundred and twenty-nine. Probably close to two-thousand by now…
MIKE: So, hold on… Special ladies? Are these the ones that gave us the golden flip flops? Greg – that’s it! It WAS special ladies!
GREG: Wait, you’re telling us that we have special ladies too? Like special… like, you know, like a guy could say, you know, that he had a special lady?
DEE: Gregory, buddy, I’m pretty sure it isn’t what you think.
MIKE: But they left bikinis at my house, and a lot of hair. And if they eat what I think they eat, then they were there for a long time. I’d say that was pretty special, right?
DEE: Well… We need Dluhosh to explain that. You guys were the last to see him. Little alien-looking guy with a beak… About this big…?
GREG: No. So, about these special ladies…
DEE: Yeah, Jimmy, tell them how many kids they have!
JIMMY: All together you have about the same number as me. But there are also combination Mike/Greg chimeras. But you guys never met any of the mothers – which is a real shame. But Fleence and Kyleence say HI, and Kyleence asked me to make a recording of your growl, Greg.
GREG: Excuse me?
DEE: Growl like you did that one time, buddy. Kyleence was your most special lady, Gregory…
GREG: Really? But, isn’t that private? Like maybe I should go somewhere?
DEE: It never stopped you before, GRRRRRRegory…
DEE: Perfect! But let’s get a couple of more takes…
Uh, so what about Dluhosh?
DEE: Oh, sorry, yeah… Um, we don’t know. But I’ll bet you five bucks that he’s still on Earth digging for rocks and screwing with people.
JIMMY: I’m in for five. I say he’s fishing and fighting crime – maybe curing diseases and freeing slaves. That sort of thing.
DEE: Have there been any strange, unexplained occurrences like that on Earth recently, guys?
MIKE: Yeah! Malaria has almost disappeared in less than a year. And hundreds of suspected human traffickers have been found with their innards spilling out – some of them were torn to bits, actually.
JIMMY: That’s him! You owe me five, Dee.
GREG: Oh, and a meteor or something hit Mount Rushmore. Is that him too?
DEE: Uh oh. That’s not good. But it’s not Dluhosh. Could have been anybody… No spoilers.
This book is a totally self-published work from the cover to the marketing – do you feel that the effort has been worth it? Is fame and fortune all it’s cracked up to be?
DEE: Yep, I’d say fame and fortune are both totally worth it. Wouldn’t you Jimmy?
JIMMY: Without a doubt, Dee.
GREG: Um, fame and fortune? What is this fame and fortune? Do we have it too?
DEE: Not on Earth, obviously. But Trukk-9 made a film about your heroics – changing some names and circumstances to conceal the crimes, of course. It’s called USED EARTHLINGS. It’s freaking awesome.
MIKE: So this movie is self-published?
DEE: No, buddy, the movie doesn’t actually exist. It’s not even in the book. We’re talking about the book you fellas are in. That came first. Some guy wrote a story with you guys in it. He thinks he can sell it. Sad, really…
Any hints and tips for our readers?
DEE: I’d say readers should be ready for a bunch of random nonsense. I’d say they should read it at least thirty times just to be sure it’s crap. I mean, I don’t sound like that when I talk. I don’t call everyone ‘buddy’ like that all the time, buddy. And Jimmy never says ‘y’all’. Squids are smarter than bears?! I was unable to suspend disbelief. Come on… And there’s not enough hugging.
Right, but Used Aliens has recently been released as a second edition. What has been done to you?
DEE: Oh yeah – the first edition was much better, but for some reason he listened to reviewers and made some changes. Changes that don’t reflect very well on you two guys, unfortunately. I remain awesome though, and Jimmy and Dluhosh become even more awesome! It’s okay though… Hey, you guys need a big hug.
GREG: What did they do to us?
DEE: Well, Greg, the reviewers didn’t think you were very believable. You know how you acted all tough with Dluhosh? They didn’t think a humanoid could get away with being that bold around a Dnooblian. And I think that’s legit, myself. And you’ve been nerdified to account for all the science stuff you know. People can’t handle tough, suave, hard-partying guys that recite from obscure theories. Plus, you and your dog don’t fight the Crickets anymore. In fact, I’m surprised the author didn’t just have Dluhosh kill you. That would have made a great scene.
So Jimmy, how is the fishing? Surely your crowds of fans are spooking the fish!
JIMMY: Seriously, friend, it’s a good thing we have the force field! We rigged it with seats so people could watch – sort of like in a glass-bottom boat watching me fish. The nice thing is that there are enough fans to block out most of the sunlight, so it’s always like a morning bite wherever and whenever I fish! And those folks buy A LOT of plastic worms. Ketchup-flavored worms are the new big thing. Between the constant TV show production and the constant, um, reproduction, I’m beat most of the time. Look how much weight I’ve lost, y’all.
And how about our rock nerds? Is one massively important discovery about the evolution of life on Earth enough, or are you still out there staring at the ground?
GREG: How come we have to be nerds all-of-a-sudden? Huh? And I have no idea what you mean about a massive discovery. A massive discovery means nothing if no one knows what it is. And please don’t denigrate the ground. The answer is in the ground. Stare at the ground until it stares back at you. That’s how the great discoveries are made!
Rumour has it that Kelly has a sequel on the way and your services are, ahem, not required after the first chapter. How does that make you feel?
MIKE: Kelly? That’s who we’re talking about? Kelly? No wonder this is so messed up. Screw that guy. He just thinks he’s all tough because he has a special lady. I don’t feel anything. Let him kill me. I’ll be back. Greg too. If this is science fiction, man, we’ll be back. The real us. The trend in sci-fi is sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. That’s how I live already, man. Greg too. We’ll be back – all hard and everything.
GREG: Yeah, dude!
DEE: But you could come back, for example, with your minds fused within the body of Greg’s dog. You never know.
GREG: Hey don’t give Kelly any ideas. He’ll steal anything.
When will we get to see this sequel to Used Aliens?
GREG: Knowing Kelly… Never. He’ll talk about it and talk about it though. He’ll write guest posts on blogs all about how great his imaginary new book is going to be. He’ll put out press releases with no news actually in them. It’s probably a stunt to get people to look at his stupid YouTube channel. Don’t trust him.
Alright. Well, Dee, how is Trukk-9’s filmmaking going? And what about the millions of cloned kittens and pandas?
DEE: I’m still working on the Kitten Panda Emporium. The panda cloning stuff is kind of difficult. I think I’m going to have to go back to Earth and grab a few more big ones. The kittens are doing a pretty good job on their own though. I’m selling kittens at a hundred grand a pop. Jimmy’s been helping me with marketing.
JIMMY: I’m thinking of having Dee just give kittens away as a long-term strategy to drive panda sales. Or we might go with 99-cent kittens, if free doesn’t work. Kittens will spread through the galaxy pretty soon, so well need to focus on pandas eventually. I’m even doing a weekly episode where I fish in a panda suit. Just trying to build a brand, y’all.
DEE: And remember when Trukk-9 dresses up in cosplay like that insectoid superhero in the maid café? He used that scene in the Mike and Greg movie. Now he has a whole TV network of Dab Tabmow spin-offs – including a character called Dab Adnap in a panda suit. It’s keeping him pretty busy. The Crickets love it. Seriously, Trukk-9 was being stalked by this one Cricket fanboy… Oh man, the guy thought Trukk-9’s head was a stage prop. He ran up and tried to steal it! The guy dragged Trukk-9 by his hair until he got impaled by a root in the groi-
Great! Thanks guys. That was fun. Anything else you want to share with our readers before you get back to your reality?
DEE: No, seriously buddy, the root got jammed in his pants and he skidded across the ground totally naked, except for his cape and sunglasses. He used the actual footage of the fanboy attack in the next episode and won an award. The poor guy was caught by Cricket fangirls and eaten. That scene got used in the DVD extras.